Devor's text explains many points on how society sees men and women, and how children learn at an early age what is acceptable for their sex. I know I’m a girl, and I’ve known this since birth. Sure, when I was a baby I probably didn’t understand what that meant, but the lesson quickly came to me in childhood. To me as a kid, it meant I had to wear dresses, be nice, proper, stay clean and play house all day so that when I grew up, I could be a good mother. And, as much as it kills me to admit it, that’s how society sees women, and how they’re suppose to be.
I know that society’s view has a huge impact on how people see others, because only a few months ago my two younger cousins (both boys) came over to my house to stay a few nights. After we had eaten dinner, my sister and I got up to do the dishes. The boys tried to walk off, but I stopped them and told them to come help us, in which the oldest replied “No, you’re a girl, that’s your job.”
Needless to say, I made him do the dishes afterwards and gave him a long talk about how it shouldn’t matter if I was a girl or not. He had hands; he was capable of scrubbing a piece of glass with a sponge.
I don’t know about all the rest of the woman out there, but being home to take care of children all day is not my only aspiration in life. I would certainly like to have kids one day, but I won’t let that stop me from getting a good job or going to school etc.
I enjoy being a woman. I really do. But most of the feminine norms for society don’t peak my interest. I don’t enjoy shopping for clothes (Actually, I have no fashion sense whatsoever), I don’t like putting on makeup or doing my hair. I don’t like counting calories either. I’d rather be home, in baggy shirts and pants, playing gorey ‘shoot ‘em up’ video games, or listening to my hard rock bands. Society, therefore, labels me as ‘tomboyish’. I thought that people should be used to others bending the gender roles a bit, but because I still get stared at when I walk into Game Stop, I guess its still strange for a girl not to be dressed up like a barbie doll.
I’ve resisted a lot of feminine ways, but embraced others. I don’t mind my emotions, and told myself its fine for me to cry every once in a while. I also like just sitting and talking with my friends, or cooking, even caring or babysitting children is fine by me.
As for the ‘generalized’ and ‘significant’ others, I can say that I’ve had both, and they changed me greatly. Generalized other to me is more of the roles we see on tv, or in the movies, how girls were supposed to act. But the shows I watched mainly had guy characters, and the girls were always to prime and pretty for my taste. Significant others have to be the friends I’ve had and my parents. The whole ‘if your friend jumps off a cliff’ thing seems to play a role in learning how to see yourself as too. My junior high friends were all girls who loved shopping and clothes, so, to be accepted, I acted what I thought was right for my sex. That only lasted until High school though, when I got sick of everything and went back to my baggy shirts and worn out jeans. My friends quickly rejected me, but then I found other girl gamers who were more than happy to let me hang with them.
We may not like it, but society probably wont change on their views of woman and men for while. Women will always be the quiet, child raising mothers who depend on the man for safety, and men will always be the strong, confident and assertive people who bring home the bacon. I can only hope that this will change.
After reading your post, the initial thing that strikes me is your use of the many gender denominations. It's obvious that you have a distinct, and probably a subconscious, definition of what a "boy," "girl," "man," "woman" is/are and these definitions are all exclusive of each other. What I found interesting was your "maturation" process in this post where you started off calling yourself a girl and then about halfway through, referring to yourself as a woman.
ReplyDeleteI am pointing this out because while I was reading through your post, I discovered that although in everyday conversations people refer to others via gender, the conventional dichotomy is not as simple as it seems. Sure there is the masculine and the feminine, but it seems as though there are denominations, or sects if you will, within each.
"I enjoy being a woman. I really do. But most of the feminine norms for society don’t peak my interest."
If you don't enjoy "shopping for clothes...putting on makeup or doing my hair...counting calories," would you define what characteristics or "likes" a woman might have? I just feel like what you are describing is a stereotype perpetuated by the media, not necessarily the majority of women in general.